4. Your friends and family tell you that you have a problem.
You’re known to pre-game your coffee with more coffee and are a fan of the infamous red eye. You may meet some of the proposed criteria for Caffeine Use Disorder in the DSM (yes, it’s a real thing). You might hear repeated requests from your loved ones to stop drinking so much coffee. You’re told that you need to cut down so you can get a good night’s rest. In response, you have plenty of excuses ready at hand to rationalize the shit out of your addiction. Hell, you even have a binder full of research that talks about the reported benefits of consuming so much caffeine. After all, your coffee-drinking habits are just a way to prevent memory loss for when you get older and a protective factor against Alzheimer’s. Right? At least, that’s what you tell yourself at night as you lie in the fetal position, cradling your most coveted cup to sleep.
5. Your barista issues a warning.
Even your barista, who should be encouraging you to come back, is now threatening to cut you off. Who does he think he is, anyway? You don’t need him! You’ll find another coffee shop that’ll have you…and in the meantime, you have no problem going there donning a good disguise and some dark sunglasses to pick up your next quadruple-espresso latte.